I have my final exams this week. And that can only mean one thing: An inevitable sense of guilt over the lack of study I've done or am doing. Of course, I'd much rather let my conscience battle this impending doom than actually do something about it, like study perhaps. Besides, there are so many entertaining, yet utterly pointless activities I can distract myself with.
Welcome to the art of procrastination.
5 years of secondary education, 2 (almost 3 - wahey!) years in UCC and now in DBS, has taught me many a valuable lesson. Such as self-motivation and a drive to learn and discover. I've whole-heartedly embraced these skills in finding new ways to put off what I really should be doing.
Given the time of year, exams looming for many, and what with me trying to waste time, I thought I'd share my best discoveries. Some obvious, some which come only after extended (no) study time.
1)BEHOLD! The power of the inceywebs! As David O'Doherty says "If you spend longer than 5 minutes on the internet at a time, you're avoiding something far more important that you're supposed to be doing". Its probably how the internet was invented in the first place. The possibilities are endless; Cats that look like Hitler, b3ta.com, lolcats, tetris (or N-Blox. Its not tetris at all at all), YouTube and of course the curse of Bebo or Facebook... Hell you might even end up setting up a MySpace for yourself.
Which brings me to another amazing way to pass the time. The complete overhaul of your profile on your social networking site of choice. Poring over which shall be your new profile picture, dreaming up witty introductions, and debating whether or not you should admit to your secret love of Mariah Carey in the music section. If guilt is really eating away at you, turn that guilt into a merciless friend cull - deleting the clutter of randomers. Then, with your workload cut down somewhat, comment everyone on your friend's list, no matter how pointless the post. They'll only be delighted, and you've probably done them a great deal in aiding them in their own procrastination.
2) Reorganise your MP3 player - yet another realm of possibilities. Go on a download spree, delete the ones that you've listened to far too many times and have tired of, make playlists to suit every mood imaginable. "Walking through the park of a morning", "I'm having an existential crisis", "Calvin Harris obviously wants me to bear his offspring", and "I'm off to Tesco now" are just a few themes to get you going.
3) Discover your new favourite band/comedian/tv show/celebrity-you'd-molest-in-their-sleep-given-half a-chance. Alluc.org will ensure you need never feel the compulsion to study again, failing that - chortle.co.uk will list pretty much every comedian going. You pick a random name, toddle off to YouTube, et voíla. They may be painful or they might be your comedy epiphany, but you've just killed 3 minutes. Congratulations.
4) Maybe not so utterly pointless activity (they are all worthwhile endeavours!) is cleaning. A timeless classic. That hob is a bit grubby, eh? Get out the Cilit Bang and put on the the marigolds. Put some elbow grease into it! Hell, d'ya know what? Wash the floor. Its a disgrace. So what if it was only washed yesterday? And the bathroom! I can hear the germs from here! BLEACH! I cleaned my room yesterday, and thats really saying something.
5)House perving on daft.ie. Set the minimum at, hmm... say €3.5 million. No maximum. And ta-da! Drool ahoy at pictures of houses that you'll never set foot in, never mind live in. Probably. But, hey, you can dream. My favourite finds so far are:
-Half an island off the coast of Kerry, with lots of dolphin pictures. Sod the house.
-The converted church.
-The castle with a MOAT! I only wish it had a drawbridge.
-Mansions in Kildare which fulfil my childhood dream of having a huge house and a grand estate full of ponies and peacocks.
WARNING: This may prove to be an incentive to study by fuelling your ambition to be successful.
6)Change your dietary habits so meal preparation becomes an elaborate and time-consuming task. You've got exams coming up, you need to stay well fed! Hence your need for 3 course meals. And extended shopping trips to Tesco and Lidl, perusing the aisles. Hint: White sauce needs to be stirred continuously, if you're looking for something that keeps you in the kitchen for quite some time. Or make pizza from scratch. Cook for everybody in the house. And wash everything afterwards meticulously.
7)Look up cheap flights and holidays and daydream about all the wonderful things you'll do. Fiddle around with the dates stubbornly and see if you can cheat those Ryanair bastards into paying taxes only.
8)Start playing Solitaire, no matter how ridiculously hard it is with a laptop touch pad.
9)"Organise" your notes. This preparation to study will fool you into thinking you've actually done some study. Leading of course to a well deserved tea break.
10)Write a guide on procrastination.
